Confessions of a Wimpy Mom

Now that my children are grown I look back over parenting decisions I made and wish I had done a few things differently. By the grace of God my children are a healthy, happy bunch who are learning to make their respective ways in the world despite their mother's shortcomings. After teaching young children for 16 years I have greater wisdom today than I did as a young mom.

When our son was three years old, my husband and I enrolled him in a two-mornings-a-week preschool program. It was a wonderful little school staffed by nurturing teachers who were well versed in early childhood education.

Our son loved school. For the first month. Then he had an unfortunate but typical potty accident and refused to go back. We talked, cajoled and reasoned with him. (This may have been our first mistake. Who in their right mind thinks they can reason with a three year old!) He dug in his heels, cried and lamented that he was not going back to school.

It's hard to watch your child struggle and it's very hard to see them unhappy. I began to question our decision to enroll him. Does a three year old really need preschool anyway? Maybe he just wasn't ready for the big, bad world of school. Wouldn't he be better off another year at home with me? Was I causing grave psychological damage by insisting he go back? (This might be an overreach but what parent hasn't had this thought?) After a week of fighting I caved in and withdrew him. What a wimp I was.

Even though I went on to make decisions far worse than this one, I did my son no favors by pulling him out. I should have confidently told him that moms work and kids go to school. I should have calmly taken him back to school, let him cry a few minutes until he found something fun to do and returned at the end of the morning. The truth is I allowed a three-year-old child to control the situation and failed to be the parent he needed. I also sent a subtle message that he couldn't handle difficult situations on his own.

Children learn to be emotionally competent when they triumph over their fears. Their self esteem grows when they venture into new territory and find that they not only survive, but thrive. And, they learn discipline when they get to school every day even when they'd rather stay home and snuggle in their pajamas.

Some days school is a great place where you play with your best friend and get to paint at the easel. Other times a mean kid knocks your blocks over and you don't get a turn in duck, duck, goose. Children learn valuable lessons from all these experiences.

I don't believe my misguided decision caused irreparable harm to my son, but I wish I had sent him back to school and empowered him to triumph over a stressful situation. I'm happy to report that although he flunked out of preschool that year he is about to graduate law school. And today he is only occasionally mocked for this event by his sisters.

God made you a parent for a reason. Don't be afraid to lead your child and don't be too wimpy to let them learn lessons, even difficult ones, on their own.

                                   My son the preschool dropout and his wimpy mother.

What's Your Favorite Summertime Play?

Did you hear that? The collective "aah" signaling that school has ended for the year? Parents and their offspring are breathing a great sigh of relief as tests and reports and assignments are put on hiatus for the next 12 weeks. The long, lazy days of summer have officially arrived.

You remember being a kid in the summer, don't you? The freedom to roam about the neighborhood playing with friends and exploring to your heart's desire? Do you remember the joy of spending an entire day just playing? 

Dictionary dot com defines the verb play as; " engage in activity for enjoyment and recreation rather than a serious or practical purpose." Now to many parents (myself included) the idea that children should just waste their time playing all day is unnerving. We think children need to be actively engaged in serious learning. They should be reading or working on flash cards or taking a music lesson or engaged in some sort of enrichment activity. We're convinced that a child left with nothing to do but stare into the clouds and daydream is falling behind the rest of the pack.

Play is necessary and healthy for children and scientists now believe that some daydreaming fosters creativity. We all need to soak up some sun, stretch our legs and run, jump rope or swim in the neighborhood pool. We need to explore our artistic sides by playing with sidewalk chalk or painting rocks found in the backyard. We need to play sandlot baseball (do kids even do this anymore?) We all, but especially children, need time each day for play. The sad reality is the modern school day allows virtually no time for play.

With a blank summer calendar before us, I thought it would be fun to share ideas for encouraging good-old-fashioned play. Reach back into your memory bank and list in the comments below a fun summer activity of your childhood or your own child's favorite summertime play. Let's see how many creative ideas we can brainstorm and then try out in the next few months.

Are you ready? I'll start.

Catching lightning bugs in a jar. For an uncoordinated child like me this was not only fun but challenging! Most of the fun was just staying out past dark racing my sisters around the yard. We'd try to catch as many bugs as possible in our empty peanut butter jars before the mosquitoes chased us inside. We'd then put our jars next to our beds and watch the glow as we drifted off to sleep.

Now that I'm an adult I rarely see fireflies. But when I do, I fondly remember the fun I had as a child and the freedom to experience something unique to a beautiful night of summer vacation from school.

Now it's your turn. I'm looking forward to reading your responses!

The Secret About Kindergarten

When I began this preschool program, the last day of school was nearly unbearable for me. I would look into those sweet little faces as they said goodbye and fight back tears. I worried about the dangers of the world as they left the comfortable cocoon of our classroom. Part of me wanted to keep them young forever so they wouldn't experience heartaches or failures in the real world. I would watch their chubby legs march off with their parents, headed into the big scary world of Kindergarten and think it would be all down-hill from there.

But then I grew up.

How ridiculous it was for me to cry on the last day of school. What message was I sending to these sweet little beings? Were my emotional reactions teaching them that Kindergarten or any new life experience was something to be feared?

Our goal as early childhood educators is to teach children that learning is exciting and something to embrace. We want children to have the confidence to try new experiences, whether it's painting with your feet in preschool or hopping on the yellow bus to Kindergarten. We want them to continually reach for that next rung on the ladder, even when you're a little worried about letting go of the familiar.

As a parent I've watched four children grow from babies into adults. I've spent nearly 30 years worrying myself sick about my kids even as I've attempted to "be anxious for nothing."* I've stewed when I thought they were headed in the wrong direction and cheered with great pride as they've accomplished life goals. As every parent does, I loved them throughout all these experiences, even when they were pain-in-the-neck teenagers! In spite of my shortcomings as a parent, God continues to mold them (and me) into the humans we are meant to be.

If I were just beginning my life as a parent, I would pray more and worry less. I would soak up every precious minute with my kids instead of worrying about keeping to the schedule. I wouldn't grieve the passage of time, but would truly celebrate every milestone and be excited about the next chapter of life. As I celebrate Mother's Day this Sunday I'll vow to take this advice! 

Mrs. Mottice, Woodridge Primary School teacher and mother to Braden, came to visit last week. After teaching the children how to do the Kindergarten "bunny wave" and make fish tails with your hands behind your back, she told us the secret about Kindergarten--it's more fun than preschool. Actually, I asked her to relay this info to the kids and it's the same sentiment we'll send them out the door with next week. Not only is Kindergarten more fun than preschool, but every new stage in life is more exciting than the next.

Of course change is never easy, and there will be challenges and disappointments to be sure. But change, even when painful, is always good. God doesn't want us to stay caterpillars forever. He wants us to fight our way out of that chrysalis, dry our wings and soar to new heights.




*Phillipians 4:6 & 7 - Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. (New International Version)

Nurturing Creative Thinkers

Since the death of Steve Jobs, co-founder of Apple Inc., much has been written about how to educate children to become future inventors and innovators. If you aren't familiar with his personal story, Jobs was a college dropout who spent 18 months dropping in on creative college classes. He stated that Mac computers were designed with such a wide variety of fonts because he once sat in on a calligraphy class. 

Does our current educational system encourage learning that will produce future inventors like Jobs? Or do children lose a vital part of their education when schools concentrate too heavily on tests and not enough on art, creativity and imagination?

Northampton Christian Preschool believes it is essential to nurture imagination skills in children. Our teachers prepare the classrooms to allow for long periods of pretend play, block construction and creative art activities. Crayons, markers, colored pencils, scissors, paper in different colors and textures, feathers, tape dispensers, and toilet paper tubes are some of the items routinely found in the Art Center.

The role of the teacher is to order the environment so that it is organized and inviting. Like this:

 

 These simple materials enabled this little Buzz Lightyear to create this:

If you look carefully you can see he's added "buzz wings" to his "buzz helmet." This young man worked all morning adding new details to his costume. The idea was his and the teachers provided encouragement and help when needed.


Due to the strong emphasis on standardized testing beginning in early elementary school, these experiences are often eliminated in preschools to concentrate on activities deemed more academic. We falsely believe that children who are just playing or using an entire roll of scotch tape on some silly project are wasting time they could be using to learn something important. But it is precisely during these times that children develop much-needed skills. Not only are they becoming proficient at using scissors and glue and pencils, but they are learning how to experiment and create and take chances. We want to encourage children to come up with an idea and act on it, even if it doesn't turn out the way they planned. As adults we know the best lessons are learned from mistakes and when we don't succeed we need to try again. We want to empower our children with this same sense of confidence.

But don't children need to know the alphabet and shapes and counting before entering Kindergarten? Absolutely, and those skills are taught in a developmentally appropriate fashion every day. But we also need to teach that joy comes from creating something all your own and there is great satisfaction in working hard to bring an idea to fruition.

I'll leave you with this link about a little boy who had a good idea that morphed into something completely unexpected. Thank you to Nora Davis who shared this gem with me. The joyful guy depicted in the video may be a future inventor. Northampton Christian Preschool hopes to raise a few of our own as well!



Cheryl Hoover works with future inventors each day at Northampton Christian Preschool. 

Can't Say Fat

At Circle time today, my little friends and I were running through some of our favorite finger plays. We began with "The Thousand-Legged Worm", which gave all of us (including me) the chance to practice our hopping. We moved on to "God Loves You" followed by "Leo the Lion". The children love to open their arms wide and let out a great "roar!" Afterward we turned our lion jaws into elephant trunks and repeated:

 The elephant is so big and FAT

he walks like this

he walks like that.

He has no fingers

he has no toes

but oh my goodness, what a nose! 

As we were trumpeting like elephants at the end of the song I heard an excited, "teacher, teacher!" "Is there something you'd like to share?" I asked a little boy. And his sweet voice replied, "you can't say fat."

Taking advantage of this teachable moment we talked about how the word fat would be a very mean thing to say to a person. Mean words make your heart hurt. We decided it was okay to say an elephant is fat because animals are different than people and don't have feelings. The children then named some animals that were large like elephants and thin like snakes. 

Preschool children are by nature egocentric which is why sharing is difficult for them. They are just beginning to understand that other people matter. The concept of feelings is new to them as well so I found it unusual that a child this young would be sensitive to a word like fat. I'm sure he's learned this lesson at his family dinner table. 

An important goal of our school is to teach children, after the example of Jesus, to love your neighbor as yourself and to be kind to everyone. It's a very simple concept. Or is it? I don't usually call people fat but am I always kind to everyone? Do I kindly wait behind the woman in the Produce Section who is taking her good old time when I'm in a hurry? Am I kind to people whose political views or opinions are vastly different from my own? Do I offer up a smile to the grouchy looking man at the post office or do I put my head down and avoid him? And am I always careful with the words I use?

Schools across the country are investing great time and money to institute anti-bullying programs. How much easier it would be if all children were taught at a young age, like this little guy, to keep your tongue from saying something mean.

A Sad Day and a Happy Day

In preparation for Holy Week my husband and I re-watched Passion of the Christ last evening. This movie does an amazing job of placing the viewer in the midst of Jerusalem to witness the horrific events of Good Friday. The violence, brutality and humiliation Jesus endured is graphically depicted. For adults of the faith it's important to re-visit this scene each year, but what about children? Are preschoolers ready for this information and is it something their young minds can understand?

Many years ago our school purchased a set of Read Aloud Bible Stories by Ella K. Lindvall which we frequently use in our classroom. The illustrations are large and simple,  perfect for reading to a group. The author uses text that is easily understood by children ages four to eight years old.

The Easter story is titled; "A Sad Day and a Happy Day."  The story begins by saying some bad men did not like Jesus and put him on a cross to die. It then goes on to talk about the tomb and how sad Jesus' friends were when they couldn't talk to him anymore. The main focus is the miracle of Easter morning when the women arrived at the tomb to see the stone rolled away and the angel's announcement "He is alive!" It concludes when Jesus appears to his friends, shows them his scarred hands and says, "Don't be afraid, I am alive!"

At Northampton one of our goals is to plant spiritual seeds in the lives of our young students. We want them to leave our program knowing they were created by God--just the way they are, that He loves them dearly and He is always with them. The telling of "A Sad Day and a Happy Day" is the first seed in the concept that He is alive and always watching over us.

We'll be celebrating new life at school this week. The children will be bringing in items from home to share or looking for examples as we hike to the garden and play outdoors. As we marble paint crosses and hunt for eggs we will remember the story of Easter and the hope we have because Jesus is alive!

Falling in Love

I'm a new grandmother. Five months ago, after waiting and praying for several years, my daughter and her husband had a sweet little boy whom they named Logan. Grandparent hood is everything they say it is and so much more. This sweet little guy has rocked our entire family. Every last one of us is smitten but good.

I watch Logan several afternoons a week while his mommy works. We love rocking and singing and cooing. It's pure heaven.

When my daughter arrives to pick him up he's usually snoozing in his swing. She tiptoes over and gently switches off the button. He slowly opens his eyes, takes a moment to focus and then explodes into a huge smile as he recognizes his mommy. They then cuddle up together, blocking out the entire world, as they reconnect. 

Watching this scene play out reminds me of falling in love. Remember when love was new and your heart would skip a beat at the sight of your beloved? When you could barely stand to be apart?

This same feeling is playing out in our classrooms. Now before you all become alarmed that your children are pairing off into couples, hear me out. Young children who make a friend for the first time exhibit the same giddiness as a couple in love.

When the children entered our classrooms in September they did so with some apprehension and anxiety. For many this was a first group experience and the first time they had been left with someone other than family. What if I don't like it there? What if I miss my mom? What is school really like anyway? I'm sure many of these thoughts entered their precious little minds.

But now, a mere seven months later, so much has changed. These children now happily separate from their parents and rush to the sensory table. They know how to sing the clean up song and where the doll clothes belong. They know how to sit crisscross applesauce at circle time and that it's not okay to push someone. They've learned that we always sing the bunny song before the goodbye song (and they'll remind me if I forget!) and then we go home. They have also learned the thrill of making a friend.

As new friends squeeze next to each other on the rug for group time they can barely contain themselves. The look at each other and giggle, wrap their arms around each other and grin. They have favorite toys they play with each day and favorite books they cuddle up with together. Certainly not as strong as the mother/child bond but the feelings are similar. I feel the same way when I spend the afternoon with a dear friend, catching up during a walk. It's just good to connect with other humans.

When you wonder if the money you've invested in preschool education really pays off, think of these experiences. If your child never attended preschool they would learn the alphabet and colors and how to count because you would teach them those skills. But what they might not learn is how to venture off into a scary new territory, take a risk and make new friends. And it is precisely these experiences that will prepare your child for future challenges down the road--like the big yellow school bus that will one day drive them off to Kindergarten.

Cheryl Hoover is the Director of Northampton Christian Preschool in Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio.