"Teacher, teacher I want the yellow bean bag!" shouted an excited little one as I was passing out colored bean bags for a favorite dance. "I'm sorry you didn't get the color you wanted, I explained, that's called being disappointed. Sometimes you don't get the color you want but you get what you get and you can't throw a fit." This little lesson, painful as it may be, is one of the ways we teach children how to deal with disappointment.
Preschoolers are just beginning to understand their emotions and a goal of our program is to help children identify and appropriately express a variety of feelings. The month of October and the occasion of trick-or-treat is a good time to talk about being happy, sad, frightened, angry and disappointed.
In addition to learning how to deal with disappointment, children need to learn how to overcome or adequately deal with their fears. (Don't we all!) In the weeks leading up to Halloween we talk a great deal about monsters, bad dreams and scary costumes. We learn that monsters are just pretend and that people can put on a costume and look different even though they're still the same person underneath.
But what about fear? How do you teach young children how to deal with the monsters under their bed or scary dreams? Faith in a God who is always watching over us is a way to reassure children and adults.
The Gospel of Mark relays this story. (I've taken the liberty to paraphrase in kid-speak.) Jesus and his friends were taking a boat ride. It was a beautiful, sunny day and they were laughing and enjoying the weather. Jesus lay down in the boat and fell asleep. A short while later the winds began to blow (insert 4-year-old wind sounds here) and the waves began to get bigger and bigger (children rock up and down). The friends of Jesus began to get worried. It was becoming more and more difficult to row the boat on the tall waves. Then the rain began to fall and the friends were getting wet. The wind continued to howl and by now the friends were terrified. "Jesus, wake up!" they yelled. "Help us, help us!" they shouted.
Jesus woke up and looked at his friends. "Why are you frightened? You know that I am right here with you," he said. And then Jesus performed a miracle. He stood up and said to the wind, "Be still!" He looked at the water and said, "Be still!" And the wind stopped blowing and the rain stopped and the sea was as calm as could be.
"Who is this man?" the friends wondered, "even the wind and the rain obey him." Jesus' friends were amazed.
As we plant seeds of faith in the hearts of our little ones we want them to know that God created them, loves them and is always watching over them. Jesus is with us when the storms come and when there are monsters under our bed and when we have bad dreams at night. We are never alone.
This story is not just for children. It's one I turn to when fighting monster-like adult worries.
If you aren't familiar with the "Veggie Tales" check out the song "God is Bigger." This catchy little tune is another great way to teach your child that God is always watching over them. The song is linked here.
Cheryl Hoover is the Director of Northampton Christian Preschool.
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Confessions of a Wimpy Mom
Now that my children are grown I look back over parenting decisions I made and wish I had done a few things differently. By the grace of God my children are a healthy, happy bunch who are learning to make their respective ways in the world despite their mother's shortcomings. After teaching young children for 16 years I have greater wisdom today than I did as a young mom.
When our son was three years old, my husband and I enrolled him in a two-mornings-a-week preschool program. It was a wonderful little school staffed by nurturing teachers who were well versed in early childhood education.
Our son loved school. For the first month. Then he had an unfortunate but typical potty accident and refused to go back. We talked, cajoled and reasoned with him. (This may have been our first mistake. Who in their right mind thinks they can reason with a three year old!) He dug in his heels, cried and lamented that he was not going back to school.
It's hard to watch your child struggle and it's very hard to see them unhappy. I began to question our decision to enroll him. Does a three year old really need preschool anyway? Maybe he just wasn't ready for the big, bad world of school. Wouldn't he be better off another year at home with me? Was I causing grave psychological damage by insisting he go back? (This might be an overreach but what parent hasn't had this thought?) After a week of fighting I caved in and withdrew him. What a wimp I was.
Even though I went on to make decisions far worse than this one, I did my son no favors by pulling him out. I should have confidently told him that moms work and kids go to school. I should have calmly taken him back to school, let him cry a few minutes until he found something fun to do and returned at the end of the morning. The truth is I allowed a three-year-old child to control the situation and failed to be the parent he needed. I also sent a subtle message that he couldn't handle difficult situations on his own.
Children learn to be emotionally competent when they triumph over their fears. Their self esteem grows when they venture into new territory and find that they not only survive, but thrive. And, they learn discipline when they get to school every day even when they'd rather stay home and snuggle in their pajamas.
Some days school is a great place where you play with your best friend and get to paint at the easel. Other times a mean kid knocks your blocks over and you don't get a turn in duck, duck, goose. Children learn valuable lessons from all these experiences.
I don't believe my misguided decision caused irreparable harm to my son, but I wish I had sent him back to school and empowered him to triumph over a stressful situation. I'm happy to report that although he flunked out of preschool that year he is about to graduate law school. And today he is only occasionally mocked for this event by his sisters.
God made you a parent for a reason. Don't be afraid to lead your child and don't be too wimpy to let them learn lessons, even difficult ones, on their own.
My son the preschool dropout and his wimpy mother.
When our son was three years old, my husband and I enrolled him in a two-mornings-a-week preschool program. It was a wonderful little school staffed by nurturing teachers who were well versed in early childhood education.
Our son loved school. For the first month. Then he had an unfortunate but typical potty accident and refused to go back. We talked, cajoled and reasoned with him. (This may have been our first mistake. Who in their right mind thinks they can reason with a three year old!) He dug in his heels, cried and lamented that he was not going back to school.
It's hard to watch your child struggle and it's very hard to see them unhappy. I began to question our decision to enroll him. Does a three year old really need preschool anyway? Maybe he just wasn't ready for the big, bad world of school. Wouldn't he be better off another year at home with me? Was I causing grave psychological damage by insisting he go back? (This might be an overreach but what parent hasn't had this thought?) After a week of fighting I caved in and withdrew him. What a wimp I was.
Even though I went on to make decisions far worse than this one, I did my son no favors by pulling him out. I should have confidently told him that moms work and kids go to school. I should have calmly taken him back to school, let him cry a few minutes until he found something fun to do and returned at the end of the morning. The truth is I allowed a three-year-old child to control the situation and failed to be the parent he needed. I also sent a subtle message that he couldn't handle difficult situations on his own.
Children learn to be emotionally competent when they triumph over their fears. Their self esteem grows when they venture into new territory and find that they not only survive, but thrive. And, they learn discipline when they get to school every day even when they'd rather stay home and snuggle in their pajamas.
Some days school is a great place where you play with your best friend and get to paint at the easel. Other times a mean kid knocks your blocks over and you don't get a turn in duck, duck, goose. Children learn valuable lessons from all these experiences.
I don't believe my misguided decision caused irreparable harm to my son, but I wish I had sent him back to school and empowered him to triumph over a stressful situation. I'm happy to report that although he flunked out of preschool that year he is about to graduate law school. And today he is only occasionally mocked for this event by his sisters.
God made you a parent for a reason. Don't be afraid to lead your child and don't be too wimpy to let them learn lessons, even difficult ones, on their own.
My son the preschool dropout and his wimpy mother.
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