When our son was three years old, my husband and I enrolled him in a two-mornings-a-week preschool program. It was a wonderful little school staffed by nurturing teachers who were well versed in early childhood education.
Our son loved school. For the first month. Then he had an unfortunate but typical potty accident and refused to go back. We talked, cajoled and reasoned with him. (This may have been our first mistake. Who in their right mind thinks they can reason with a three year old!) He dug in his heels, cried and lamented that he was not going back to school.
It's hard to watch your child struggle and it's very hard to see them unhappy. I began to question our decision to enroll him. Does a three year old really need preschool anyway? Maybe he just wasn't ready for the big, bad world of school. Wouldn't he be better off another year at home with me? Was I causing grave psychological damage by insisting he go back? (This might be an overreach but what parent hasn't had this thought?) After a week of fighting I caved in and withdrew him. What a wimp I was.
Even though I went on to make decisions far worse than this one, I did my son no favors by pulling him out. I should have confidently told him that moms work and kids go to school. I should have calmly taken him back to school, let him cry a few minutes until he found something fun to do and returned at the end of the morning. The truth is I allowed a three-year-old child to control the situation and failed to be the parent he needed. I also sent a subtle message that he couldn't handle difficult situations on his own.
Children learn to be emotionally competent when they triumph over their fears. Their self esteem grows when they venture into new territory and find that they not only survive, but thrive. And, they learn discipline when they get to school every day even when they'd rather stay home and snuggle in their pajamas.
Some days school is a great place where you play with your best friend and get to paint at the easel. Other times a mean kid knocks your blocks over and you don't get a turn in duck, duck, goose. Children learn valuable lessons from all these experiences.
I don't believe my misguided decision caused irreparable harm to my son, but I wish I had sent him back to school and empowered him to triumph over a stressful situation. I'm happy to report that although he flunked out of preschool that year he is about to graduate law school. And today he is only occasionally mocked for this event by his sisters.
God made you a parent for a reason. Don't be afraid to lead your child and don't be too wimpy to let them learn lessons, even difficult ones, on their own.
My son the preschool dropout and his wimpy mother.
I'm only seventeen, so we can be grateful that I'm not a mother. But I grew up with a pretty damn amazing mother. She can often feel like a bad parent because she feels like it was her actions that led to me getting into so much trouble. But it's never been her fault that I'm such a hot mess. And from the sounds of it, you have few shortcomings as a mother. Bad moms don't get blog posts about how amazing they are that are read by hundreds of people from their daughters. They just don't. They don't get blog posts in general. Besides, your children are very attractive. That's the real measure of success. =]
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